SWAisms

June 18, 2019 Hi there You Yes, You! I see You I see how strong and resilient You are Even though you are going through  A Hell of a lot I see you Your smiles   Your laughter Your positivity  Your PUSH It’s inspiring It reaches me It teaches me That no matter what I cannot wallow                                                                                                                                                           I cannot stay in that place No matter how much  I am hurting No matter how Scared I am ...

Like how how do I do this how did I get here so much pain in my heart in my body  and I feel so alone Me who tries to show and give compassion Me who tries so hard to rise up and overcome challenges and stereo typs. went to school studied hard got that masters and now look at me the picture of illness and lack on all levels Drained beyond measure Yet at the same time I am grateful Because I have truly been blessed It could be  ALOT worse But that leads me to the same HOW did I allow things to get so BAD WHat am I going to do I feel like I am at the end of my rope DEar GOd Please help me I jjust want a job If I get a job Outside the home, I worry about Grandma I need someone to be here with her Someone who can take care of her properly  I have lost so much weight I need clothes Oh.. and.. I have NO Transportation So it makes no sense This year ..I have lost my business, It has dwindled to nothing I've lost m...

Should I sit here and silently Implode or let go of this heavy load Everyone thinks they know what's best They try to help me thru my mess  A friend in deed is what I need Not one who would judge or impede But how do I proceed?? We each are running our own race doing so with individual and unique grace unlike others never judge your sister or brothers Some handle things well Some you could never tell While some of us brood and even behave rude Solutions??

I am fighting the propensity to curl up in that fetal ball, to crawl into a shell and never be seen  I know.. People have it way worse.. I know.. It's not cancer.. I have my health.. somewhat  I have my sight ( though my vision is blurred),my hearing (though at times I wonder for how long) and all the things people like to remind me about when they feel I am complaining .. I know Stay positive... "Where you put your mind is where you put your behind..." or something like that And oh yeah " Oh it will get better" And  WOW you should write a book.. You're "so Strong" HA!  If only they knew.... Strength..is relative because.. I just Want to disappear. most times. I do not feel "so strong".. Not at all I feel like I'm falling apart Like I am having a nervous break down over and over Always catching my breath. Always trying to stay calm while I am raging inwardly Imploding BOOM  But ...